Classic Tom

Ed Note: This appeared in Tower in Spring 2003.

Tom Taxter
“Please, Make Me a Martyr”

For those of you who were lucky enough to attend morning meeting on Monday, March 4, you bore witness to a wonderful thing. Not only did we spend 20 minutes asking inane questions regarding the “Masters School Constitution,” but also we saw the beginnings of a cult that, due to lack of excitement in their lives, wants to make themselves martyrs, although they pretend (I just hope they aren’t serious) that there are serious issues at hand.
This tempest in a teapot is centered around the clause in the “by-laws” of the constitution that allows for “indirect jurisdiction,” or the ability of the school to punish you for things you do outside school that cause public discredit. Students want the constitution to spell out what actions constitute public discredit, while the school’s administration wanted it to be kept vague so that they could define it on a case-by-case basis. Now, I realize that the school could use that vagueness against a student that the administration “Doesn’t like.” Then again, the administration can do anything that they want; a piece of paper will not stop them, do not kid yourself.
Last years “big issue (the previous tempest in a teapot)” in the Masters School community was the dress code and whether or not it should be changed. Most of you will remember the wailing and the gnashing of teeth that ensued. Babes cried in the streets and the men resorted to consolation from “the drink.” Now, why would a topic as banal as the dress code cause such a huge uproar? Because its tyranny, screeched the Masters anarchists, those brave enough to question the all-powerful authority. If it were not for those brave souls, we would not… be wearing the same things today and having more scrutiny placed on whether or not we actually are in dress code. Bravo.
The issue of today is public discredit clause. As we all know, horrible ogres and warlocks occupy the “Administration,” that evil entity that rules the school with an iron fist. Their only purpose is to try to get kids in trouble, I am not kidding, it is a requirement of the job. That was sarcasm. As such, the question that if the school was opposed to a cause or protest, and a student was seen at it, could they be brought to the Disciplinary Committee, is completely valid. Since the Masters School comes out so often and says, “We are categorically opposed to such and such a cause,” we all need to be worried. Quick, Chicken Little, call the ACLU, ADL, JDL, FBI, CIA, NAACP, NFL, NBA, NRA and/or SEC, the Masters School is trying to limit your freedom of speech! I actually heard people claiming that they were worried that the administration was trying to limit our Constitutional right to freedom of speech and freedom of association. I may be cynical, but my God, saying that the Masters School is trying to limit your freedom of speech? That is borderline irresponsible. The administration has much better things to do than strip our Constitutional rights. B-b-b-b-but they are not letting me raise awareness, you know, be socially active. Don’t worry son, we will fight those Communists back to the Kremlin.
And remember, they may take our lives, but they’ll never take our freedom! Oh yes, SIC SEMPER TYRANNIS!